Tisha B’Av is one of the most somber days on the Jewish calendar, a day set aside for mourning and reflection. It commemorates the destruction of the First and Second Temples in Jerusalem, along with other collective tragedies in Jewish history. Traditionally, people fast, refrain from joyful activities, and recite lamentations. But like many Jewish rituals, Tisha B’Av holds layers of meaning, and it invites us to find our own path into it.
Grief can often feel heavy and isolating, but Tisha B’Av invites us to move through it with tenderness. It opens up space to notice what has been lost, while still tending to what might yet grow. In this way, it offers a window into the emotional complexity of being human.
Tisha B’Av teaches us that holding opposing emotions at once is not only possible but deeply human. We can mourn what has been lost and still believe in what’s to come. We can feel broken and still be whole.
This is a holiday of tension and transformation. It’s a chance to sit in discomfort and to honor your experience without rushing past it. Joy and sorrow can exist side by side. Darkness can make room for light. The destruction remembered on Tisha B’Av ultimately becomes the soil from which healing and rebuilding emerge.
If you’re exploring this tradition on your own terms or simply seeking a quiet way to connect, here are some gentle practices that can give shape to your observance:
Create a quiet corner in your home for reflection and remembrance. Light a candle. Turn off your phone. Let yourself be still.
Name what’s been lost. Say it out loud, to yourself, to the universe, to a loved one. Personal grief and communal grief both deserve space.
Read words that move you. Seek out poems, psalms, or prayers that speak to resilience and renewal. Let them be a mirror for your emotions.
Fast if it feels meaningful and healthy for your body. Or eat slowly and mindfully. Choose presence over perfection.
Journal about what you’re grieving and what you’re hoping for. Let both truths coexist on the same page.
Plant a seed, literally or metaphorically. Whether it’s placing a real seed in the soil or writing a single line about what you’re ready to grow, this small act honors the transition from destruction to creation.
Tisha B’Av reminds us that we don’t need to have everything figured out. That we can be in-between, uncertain, in process, and still fully present. This ancient day holds space for both the rawness of loss and the quiet beginnings of new growth.
You are allowed to observe this day in a way that feels true to your experience. Whether it’s traditional or totally your own, whether it’s heavy or healing or both, let your practice meet you where you are.